How to prioritize your life when you’re a people-pleaser

If you are a high achiever, there’s a good chance you also experience some people-pleasing tendencies. In fact, in many corporate settings, traits of people-pleasing are part of the culture due to the prioritization of productivity.

People-pleasing can take on many forms and can look different to each person. It may come in the form of seeking others’ approval, sacrificing or suppressing your own needs or wants, being overly aware of what others think, internalizing others’ judgements, apologizing, staying silent, or smoothing things over to avoid conflict, and difficulty setting or keeping boundaries. 

You can navigate your whole life staying in line, conforming, and trying to fit other’s expectations for you. Often these beliefs stem from deep-seeded subconscious messages that tell your system that this is “safe”, so changing these patterns can be challenging.

By neglecting your own needs and trying to live in alignment with everyone else besides yourself, you are more likely to experience the debilitating effects of stress in all aspects of your life. Physically, you may feel tension, heaviness, and or pain in your body. You may notice you have headaches, and an increased heart and breathing rate. Mentally, you may become more critical of yourself, ruminate on negativity, and experience self-doubt. Emotionally, you may experience increased feelings of guilt, shame, and fear. 

If you are experiencing any of these, it is important to take a moment to slow down and ask yourself the following questions:

How do I want to feel in my life?

What and Who are moving me closer toward/away from my desired feeling?

What will my life be like in 5 years if nothing changes?

Even if you do not have the answer to all of these questions, they will guide you toward living more consciously. You may notice by asking yourself these questions, the answers will come when you’re taking a shower or going for a walk. They will begin to create new neural pathways in your brain to think about things differently.

So take a moment now or later tonight to sit with these questions. Write down the answers or just reflect on them. Revisit them often and expand upon them. This is the first step toward understanding yourself more deeply and creating a life that is aligned with your truth and with your needs honored.